I'm at a bit of a loss where to start and to be honest I have no idea why I'm posting this....I just felt the need to vent I guess.
Where I live the local paper runs a baby comp each year, which I personally think is stupid, I never entered my son as I don't need a load of complete strangers telling me he is gorgeous when I already know it. But anyhow I didnt bother reading it and then 3 weeks ago the finalists were pictured...and low and behold my sons dad (who said he never wanted children btw, and deserted us) has had a kid and he is in it. I felt pretty numb about it, I wasnt upset for me or anything, I was pissed off that he is doing all the things he should have done with Tyler with this child, that he said he didnt want kids and then went on to have one which has obviously been welcomed into his family with open arms, whilst my son is not even acknowledged. I'm pissed off that Tyler has a brother, and as much as I have been prepared for the questions about his father and his side of the family to arise from Tyler anytime soon, I wasnt prepared for this, I never expected it to happen, he has a brother that he has no idea about. Anyway this week his sons picture was in the paper again for being a runner up and there he is, Tylers dad looking all proud with his witch of a wife and his son....One good thing to have come outta this is that after all this time of not seeing him I looked at him and felt absolutely nothing, for so long he has always been at the back of my mind, when ever I have started a new relationship I have compared everyone to him, and usually in a weird kind of way he has played a huge part in the ending of most of my relationships as well....but I can honestly say I looked at him and just felt nothing, he looks alot different, like its not the person I knew, which is understandable as it was over 5 years ago. Its Tyler I feel for that wanker left us with nothing, yet now he gives time, love and attention to his new son....time, love and attention that Tyler deserved. God i'm so pissed off its unbelievable...
I personally think its time I made his perfect little life a bit difficult, I have sat in the side lines for long enough, why should he be happy when almost every day when I look at Tyler I think of him and wonder if he is thinking of Tyler, I honestly am not pissed off for myself, but how can you have a child and then just reject it, never want contact or anything, yet then go on to have another and pretend the first never existed....well...things are about to change for him!!!